Good Night, Sleep Tight

I cherish the bedtime chats I have with my babes. I find those with my little man especially fulfilling in this stage. When he was much younger, nightly chats served as a review of our days, as a tool to decompress and release all that his overly perceptive little mind took in (everything. it took in everything). We’d walk through our days, step-by-step giving honor to the highs and lows, processing what he had collected in his mind, finding a good place to store it for future reference, and taking a little off his plate. Lying face-to-face on the pillow, staring into those dreamy blue eyes, windows really, shifts it all into place for me - my purpose, my priority, my spirit, my conviction.

When he was 4-5 years old many of our conversations revolved around human behavior; observing the way his peers interacted. He’d bring up situations when another treated a friend unfairly, or how a stranger handled a tough situation he witnessed. He soaks up the senses and feelings of others, like his Mama, and they weigh on him. A heart of warm gold flows through that boy. I pray it always remains fresh, free-flowing.

We reminisce about my childhood through story telling. As I sift through a sea of memories to retrieve a specific event, more float to the surface, raising their hand to be shared. Stories that once occupied more space, and shaped me as a young girl, step out of the shadows and become a piece of his puzzle as well.

We talk a lot about responsibility and our role in serving others with the gifts we’ve been given. He holds little confusion over the notion that what we have, the privileges we have been granted, are not ‘deserved’ but bestowed, with responsibility attached. We’ve decided it’s a test. How will we contribute, share, put forth, pay forward…

We laugh about the events of the day, and search for a lightness in our circus. We recount our joys. We tell jokes and review silly sister’s antics from the day, shaking our heads in hefty gratitude for the role she plays in bringing us happiness.

We’ve had conversations I could have never imagined having to navigate, about hard times, life changes. They’ve served as much a healing tool for me as they have for him. Reaching into your gut to provide what you hope are the ‘right’ answers forces you to evaluate them again yourself, praying that you always instill hope and comfort in their concerns.

A recent bedtime chat included the following topics: Uganda, helping children with no food, dreams of fatherhood and football in his future, and even the names he may give his two boys - Adrian & Brady. He’ll also be saving his most beloved friend, Grover, for them and that notion melts me.

I mean, how can I put into words how much all of this means to me? How can I bottle the way his voice sounds so small and the innocence wrapped around his questions and sentiment? He views the world’s problems or hiccups as completely fixable. He views his future without flaw or burden of uncertainty. And he looks to me as his guide. The devotion I have to that role is immeasurable.

Explain why more often. Be honest. Be vulnerable. Be brave. Love, listen and share.

Most…let them be heard.

Sweet dreams, babe. You’ve revealed mine to me.